Shards of a Dream

2011-12-07T22:23:00.001-08:00

just dropping in to say hi :)

The List, Updated March 2011

2011-08-02T23:28:00.001-07:00

"One day, your whole life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."
Places I have visited since 2001, in roughly chronological order (parenthesis if visited more than once, random American cities thrown in if I feel they're exotic enough):

Paris (3)
Lyon
Marseilles
Iles du Frioul
Cassis
Barcelona (2)
Mallorca
Cinque Terre (2)
Amsterdam (4)
Lisse
Siena
Prague (2)
Vienna (2)
Rome (2)
Venice (2)
Florence
Austin
Scottsdale
Sedona
Shanghai
Guangzhou
Hangzhou
Suzhou
Shenzen
Taipei
Kaoshuing
Hong Kong (3)
Macau
Lantau
Cheung Chau
Bangkok (4)
Phuket (2)
Phi Phi (2)
Ko Chang
Siem Reap (Angkor Wat)
Luang Prabang
Vang Vieng
Koh Samui
Koh Phangan
Surat Thani
Chiang Mai
Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon)
Nha Trang
Guatemala City
Antigua, Guatemala (3)
Amatitlan
Santa Cruz la Laguna, Lago Atitlan
Panajachel, Lago Atitlan (2）
San Pedro La Laguna, Lago Atitlan (2)
Jocotenango （2）
San Jose, Costa Rica （2）
Alajuela
Tortuguero
La Fortuna (Volcan Arenal)
Bocas Del Toro
Tikal
San Salvador
Granada, Nicaragua
Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica
Puerto Nuevo (10+)
Rosarito (10+)
Mexico City (4)
Guanajuato
Tulum
Cancun
Punta Allen
Oahu (2)
Russelville
Miami
Key West
Nassau
Guadalajara
Puebla
Cholula
Zacatecas
Morelia
Puerto Morelos
Vancouver
Cartagena
Bogota
Istanbul
Olympos
Kas

gobble gobble

2011-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Email I sent out to friends about my trip to Turkey back in March:
hello all.

where do ı begın? the last tıme any of you got one of these from me was probably two years ago ınvolvıng rıdıng elephants ın the jungle. so much has happened sınce then. hope everyone's doıng fabulously.

ı am currently reportıng from olympos. a bıt of a sudden decısıon but one that ı defınıtely don't regret. olympos ıs on the medıterrandean coast of turkey. landed today ın the coastal town of antalya wıth perfect sunny weather and took a bumpy bus rıde along the breathtakıng coastlıne where mountaıns seem to come rıght down to the sea, and then up a wındıng mountaın road where ı could catch glımpses of bubblıng streams and small waterfalls through the trees. back down a road, whıch turned ınto a dırt path. forged across a shallow rıver (ın a van!) and arrıved ın olympos. thıs place ıs pretty darn close to paradıse. roman ruıns overgrown wıth trees tumblıng onto the turquoıse pebble beach. hammocks. treehouses. thıs ıs where the chımaera are - eternal natural gas flames that have been burnıng on these rocks for thousands of years.

touched down ın ıstanbul last frıday and spent a few leısurely days wanderıng around the cobblestone streets and vısıtıng the major sıghts, gettıng lost ın the grand bazaar. you can read about the blue mosque, taksım square, the palace, etc. etc. from google, but what touched me the most about my tıme here ıs how often ı am remınded, each tıme ı travel, that ıf you sıt stıll and waıt, the most magıcal thıngs happen.

ı've been dreamıng of vısıtıng the hagıa sophıa for thırteen years--from the moment ı studıed ıt ın art hıstory. several days ago that dream came true and ı found myself under a massıve glass chandelıer suspended ın a space so large my guıdebook says the statue of lıberty could do jumpıng jacks ın here.

ı clımbed up to the gallery and sat ın the lıght of a wındowsıll, and started to wrıte ın my travel journal. each tıme ı do thıs ıt remınds me of all the other places where ı have stopped and sat and wrıtten--so sıttıng ın the hagıa sophıa ı somehow felt so close to angkor wat, the sacre couer, tıkal, atıtlan, the rooftops of hong kong... all such unspeakably beautıful memorıes.

the fırst person to come up to me as ı sat there was an old man. he approached me and asked. are you wrıtıng poems? no. ı saıd, ı'm wrıtıng ın my travel journal. he smıled and saıd, ıt's all poetry...and turned around and walked away.

the second person was a mıddle aged korean man who came, sat down next to me, and asked ın haltıng englısh what ı was doıng. ı told hım ı lıke to sıt and wrıte at the places ı vısıt. wordlessly, he reached ınto hıs bag and pulled out a pıle of papers, all handwrıtten ın korean, some on the backs of envelopes, hotel statıonery, backs of advertısements--each wıth, wrıtten ın englısh, the name of the place--places all over the world--where he too had been sıttıng when he wrote these thıngs. you should have seen the smıle on both of our faces. then, ı got up and walked away. ı lıke to thınk he stayed a lıttle after ı left to add another chapter to hıs story.
well. the hammock under the orange tree beckons. tıll next tıme. ;)

happy traıls,

attached: the beach and roman ruıns at olympos.

p.s. thıs ıs an annıversary trıp of sorts. my passport expıres ın june so that means ıt.s been ten years sınce ı started that fırst, wıld, unforgettable trıp to europe wıth my dad's borrowed backpack. my best frıend. and a few hundred bucks ın my wallet to last me a month and half. you know that lıst ı carry around wıth me everywhere of all the cıtıes ı,ve traveled to sınce then? ı sometımes post ıt on facebook. ı had never counted the lıst, and today ı dıd. ı always thought ıd be somwhere ın the 50's and was astonıshed to fınd that olympos ıs my number eıghty four (!!!!)
when ı hıt 100, wherever ı am ın the world, ı'm throwıng a party and you're all ınvıted ;D

2010-04-20T00:16:00.000-07:00

Did I really let an entire year go by without writing here? 2009 was a year of extremes: expreme happiness, extreme heartbreak, upheaval, beaches stared at through glass but un-frolickable in, early morning coffees, and taking the farmers market for granted.
I didn't think I would feel so in-between for so long. I wonder when adulthood will arrive - or is it already here, and is this it, this constant
worrying and feeling frozen, like one of those dreams where you run harder and harder but you can't seem to be able to move faster than molasses?

Chiang Mai

2008-06-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

From my travel journal, 6/14/08:

We arrived the day before yesterday in Chiang Mai and spent the evening wandering the night market.

The next morning, we piled into a pickup truck to go jungle trekking. Our guides call themselves James Bond and Jack Sparrow, and they very much live up to their nicknames. Both of them carry 2 1/2 foot-long machetes which turned out to be surprisingly versatile. James used his to cut me a bamboo walking stick, make a waterpipe out of a gourd, and make dinner.

When I signed up for this trek, I didn't quite appreciate how tough it would actually be. I imagined something like the hike up Volcan Pacaya in Guatemala, or perhaps my jungle treks in Tikal--but instead, this hike was, oh, about 10 times harder. We trekked with all our gear in 90 degree weather with 100% humidity, through red mud, alongside and across streams, hopping rocks to keep from falling in the water, and through jungle foliage so dense that at times it brushed against my body on both sides (which helped wipe off the sweat that was running in rivulets down my body), and over paths so lightly trodden we were still stepping on live grass. I don't think I have ever hiked or exercised that hard in my life. Two hours into the hike, I was soaked through from head to toe in my own sweat, laboring to take the next step and leaning heavily on my walking stick. James Bond and Jack Sparrow, on the other hand, sauntered along barely even breaking a sweat (Jack was wearing rubber flip flops), entertaining us with whistled pitch-perfect renditions of favorites from Bob Marley, the Beatles, the Scorpions, and the Lion King.

We finally arrived at a hill-town perched in the clouds in the middle of the jungle. We enjoyed a dinner, cooked by James Bond with the aid of his machete, of red curry with fish balls, tofu with bean sprouts, and stir-fried veggies.

That night, we gathered around a campfire and listened to our guides play the guitar and sing.

It's morning now. I am sitting in a hut on stilts, literally inside of a cloud on the jungle hillside. All around there is no other sign of civilization. The only noise is the crackling of the fire behind me as our guides cook breakfast, and the occasional rooster crow.

the List, updated (again)

2008-06-07T14:39:00.001-07:00

Places I’ve been in the past six years, in no particular order (times in parenthesis if visited more than once):

Luang Prabang
Vang Vieng
Koh Samui
Koh Phangan
Surat Thani
Chiang Mai
Mexico City
Guanajuato
Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon)
Nha Trang
Guatemala City
Antigua, Guatemala (3)
Amatitlan
Santa Cruz la Laguna, Lago Atitlan
Panajachel, Lago Atitlan (2）
San Pedro La Laguna, Lago Atitlan (2)
Jocotenango （2）
San Jose, Costa Rica （2）
Alajuela
Tortuguero
La Fortuna (Volcan Arenal)
Bocas Del Toro
Tikal
San Salvador
Granada, Nicaragua
Paris (3)
Lyon
Marseilles
Iles du Frioul
Cassis
Barcelona (2)
Mallorca
Cinque Terre (2)
Amsterdam (4)
Lisse
Siena
Prague (2)
Vienna (2)
Rome (2)
Venice (2)
Florence
Shanghai
Guangzhou
Hangzhou
Suzhou
Shenzen
Taipei
Kaoshuing
Hong Kong (3)
Macau
Lantau
Cheung Chau
Bangkok (3)
Phuket (2)
Phi Phi (2)
Ko Chang
Siem Reap (Angkor Wat)
Oahu
Puerto Nuevo (10+)
New York City

Pasdena is Awesome.

2008-05-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

I've moved to Old Town Pasadena. What a beautiful, wonderful neighborhood. I'm in love. I have found one of the rare places in LA where you don't need a car to get around and it's safe and fun to walk at night. Amazing. More later.

2007-08-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile. life just sort of sucks you into these miniature vortices of mundanity and each day melts into the next, and it seems like you blink and a year has gone by.

bar results come out tomorrow. i can't believe it's been a year since i found out i passed. this time last year, i was just a wreck. not as bad as the few weeks before the test, but a wreck nonetheless. this time last year i was doing temp work as a receptionist at a law firm. a client came in one day and said to me "oh you're new here aren't you? they should keep you here. you're pretty."

so much has happened in a year's time. i've not traveled as much as before, but i've learned a lot about strategy, and how to deal with adults like i'm one of them. it is strange working with people twice my age. my bosses are really cool, but some opposing counsel look at me like i'm a kid. and to them, i am.

i am seriously thinking about starting a wedding photography business on the weekends.

Vietnam Summer Pix

2007-07-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

The List, updated

2007-07-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

Places I’ve been in the past six years, in no particular order (times in parenthesis if visited more than once):

Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon)
Nha Trang
Guatemala City
Antigua, Guatemala (3)
Amatitlan
Santa Cruz la Laguna, Lago Atitlan
Panajachel, Lago Atitlan
San Pedro La Laguna, Lago Atitlan
Jocotenango
San Jose, Costa Rica
Alajuela
Tortuguero
La Fortuna (Volcan Arenal)
Bocas Del Toro
Tikal
San Salvador
Granada, Nicaragua
Paris (3)
Lyon
Marseilles
Iles du Frioul
Cassis
Barcelona (2)
Mallorca
Cinque Terre (2)
Amsterdam (4)
Lisse
Siena
Prague (2)
Vienna (2)
Rome (2)
Venice (2)
Florence
Shanghai
Guangzhou
Hangzhou
Suzhou
Shenzen
Taipei
Kaoshuing
Hong Kong (3)
Macau
Lantau
Cheung Chau
Bangkok
Phuket (2)
Phi Phi (2)
Ko Chang
Siem Reap (Angkor Wat)
Oahu
Puerto Nuevo (10+)
New York City

Guatemala again...again!

2007-07-03T22:31:00.001-07:00

Alright. I just can't help myself. It's an addiction.

When I see a $50 each way flight to Guatemala I just CANNOT stop myself from taking it. So on labor day weekend, I'm headed to yet another Guatemalan excursion.

This time I am trying my hand at tour-guiding and leading a group of 9 other people. It's a bigger group than I've ever traveled with, but I think it will be fun, especially since it's only for 3 nights.

More pictures, of course to come.

But first... VIETNAM! I leave in exactly 10 days.

Guatemala May 2007 pix

2007-06-13T23:58:00.001-07:00

guatemala, here i come again!

2007-04-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago Spirit Air had a sale. LAX <--> Guatemala City, nonstop, $88 each way.
If you've been reading me long enough, you know how fast I was all over that.

I'm leaving, with my love, four friends and my cousin, to spend one night on the shores of magical Lake Atitlan, a quick jaunt up a volcano, and two nights in the old colonial town of Antigua, nestled between three volcanoes. We'll be staying here and here.

I can't wait!

Stop. Listen.

2007-04-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

In this astonishing article, the Washington Post wages the experiment: In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend?

What happens when you take one of the world's most acclaimed classical musicians, playing a $3 million Stradivarius, and have him play at a subway station during rush hour? How much money do you think he'd make? How many people would stop to listen?

Read the article and watch the video clips.

Consider: how often do you, in your rush to fulfill the banal, repetitive obligations that take up your days....how often do you stop and listen, observe, watch? How much of our lives do we simply let slip by unnoticed?

alanis morisette covering fergie?!?

2007-04-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

This is rather hilarious--i never knew alanis morisette was such a good sport!

The Promotion

2007-03-07T20:31:00.001-08:00

I was a dog in my former life, a very good dog, and, thus, I was promoted to a human being.

I liked being a dog. I worked for a poor farmer guarding and herding his sheep.
Wolves and coyotes tried to get past me almost every night, and not once did I lose a sheep. The farmer rewarded me with good food, food from his table. He may have been poor, but he ate well. And his children played with me, when they weren’t in school or working in the field. I had all the love any dog could hope for. When I got old, they got a new dog, and I trained him in the tricks of the trade.

He quickly learned, and the farmer brought me into the house to live with them. I brought the farmer his slippers in the morning, as he was getting old, too. I was dying slowly, a little bit at a time. The farmer knew this and would bring the new dog in to visit me from time to time. The new dog would entertain me with his flips and flops and nuzzles. And then one morning I just didn’t get up. They gave me a fine burial down by the stream under a shade tree. That was the end of my being a dog. Sometimes I miss it so I sit by the window and cry. I live in a high-rise that looks out at a bunch of other high-rises. At my job I work in a cubicle and barely speak to anyone all day. This is my reward for being a good dog. The human wolves don’t even see me.

They fear me not.

~James Tate

new year

2007-01-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

it's strange, this feeling of starting something entirely new--again. usually when i pick up and move somewhere, it's to someplace very far away from home, in another country, across the globe--but i know exactly when i'll be coming back. now, i'm up north of L.A. at a new job and in a new house and sometimes i feel like i'm living someone else's life.

it's also so weird having an answer to the question: so, what do you do? what kind of career are you in? i'd always been working towards something before...but suddenly, i find that i have arrived. it's jarring, and not a little surreal. a beginner again.

winter reading

2006-12-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

Picked up a pile of books at Borders the other day. Can't wait to snuggle in bed and plow through them.

Veronika Decide Morir (original Spanish language edition)by Paulo Coelho

Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser

Aloft by Chang Rae Lee

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, by Helen Fielding

Infectious Greed, by Frank Partnoy

The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J. Stanley

Mrs. Dalloway, by Virginia Woolf

I PASSED!!!!!

2006-11-17T19:49:00.000-08:00

thank you god. thank you, everyone, for your support, and for believing in me. thank you thank you thank you thank you.

clean sweep

2006-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

The House. The Senate. Rummy leaving. I am so, so relieved--and for the first time in a long time, optimistic about the future of this country.

too much food network!

2006-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

I have been cooking up a storm since I've been back.

Dinner last night:
Fish stew (tilapia, red snapper, clams, squid, veggies in a clam chowder, sauvignon blanc and creme fraiche base)
Butter and garlic pan seared giant scallops
Sourdough for dipping

Dinner tonight:
Tagliatelle bake with sweet italian sausage and ground turkey and four cheeses
Roasted fennel and carrots in herbs and shaved parmesan
Polenta, pan fried in garlic and then topped with shredded parmesan and baked until parmesan is crispy
Butternut squash soup, made from scratch (my friend Mat made this and it was delicious)!
Balsamic glazed raosted brussels sprouts
Columbia Crest Two Vines Shiraz

Here is the recipe for the Butternut squash soup, which is absolutely scrumptious.

BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP
1 Butternut Squash
1 whole head of garlic
Chicken stock
Olive Oil
Salt
Pepper
Nutmeg
Curry Powder

Cut squash into quarters, remove seeds and membrane. Rub with oil, salt, pepper, and a little curry powder and nutmeg. Wrap in foil. Cut top off of head of garlic, drizzle with oil, wrap in foil. Place squash and garlic on BBQ grill, close lid, and grill for about 40 minutes, or until squash is roasted and soft. Let cool a little. Remove from foil, scoop out squash and squeeze out garlic from casing. Puree in small batches in blender with chicken stock. Transfer to pot, re-heat, sprinkle some more nutmeg if desired. YUM!

Photo album is up!

2006-10-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

Here it is, 101 photos of Central America. Click to view!

Central America, Summer 2006

Oct 10, 2006 - 101 Photos

Mayan temple, Tikal, Guatemala

2006-10-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

That's me way at the bottom!

The List, updated

2006-10-09T13:22:00.000-07:00

Places I’ve been in the past five years, in no particular order (times in parenthesis if visited more than once):

Guatemala City
Antigua, Guatemala
Amatitlan
Jocotenango
San Jose, Costa Rica
Alajuela
Tortuguero
La Fortuna (Volcan Arenal)
Bocas Del Toro
Tikal
San Salvador
Granada, Nicaragua
Paris (3)
Lyon
Marseilles
Iles du Frioul
Cassis
Barcelona (2)
Mallorca
Cinque Terre (2)
Amsterdam (4)
Lisse
Siena
Prague (2)
Vienna (2)
Rome (2)
Venice (2)
Florence
Shanghai
Guangzhou
Hangzhou
Suzhou
Taipei
Kaoshuing
Hong Kong (3)
Macau
Bangkok
Phuket
Phi Phi
Ko Chang
Siem Reap (Angkor Wat)
Oahu
Vegas (10+)
Puerto Nuevo (6)
New York City

convento san francisco, antigua

2006-10-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

back

2006-10-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

i'm back! the flight was quite arduous (guatemala city to san jose, costa rica, overnight in san jose, san jose to miami, overnight in miami, miami to LAX). my body reacted by developing a large cold sore. i'm not leaving the house until it disappears.

Mouse has forgotten about me, and I am heartbroken. She seems to view me as an unwelcome extra presence in the house, a disruption to her blissful coexistence with my boyfriend. They curl up in bed together and cast hostile stares me way.

doorway, antigua

2006-10-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

tal vez: perhaps

2006-10-01T12:54:00.000-07:00

VIII. TAL VEZ...

Tal vez ya no le importa mi gemido
en el indiferente edén callado
en que el espíritu desencarnado
vive como dormido...
Tal vez ni sabe ya cómo he llorado
ni cómo he padecido.

En profundo quietismo,
su alma, que antes me amara de tal modo,
se desliza glacial por ese abismo
del eterno mutismo,
olvidada de sí, de mí, de todo...

- Amado Nervo (Chilean poet, 1870-1919)

mariposa negra

2006-10-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

Last night while we were eating dinner, the duena (landlady) came to talk to my host mom. The corner convenience store had just been robbed. My roomates and I stared around the table at one another, frozen to our seats. The store is not 75 feet from where we were sitting, and we had heard nothing.

I thought about the night before, when I had walked there alone at 10:30pm, to buy apple juice. I remembered the bored-looking clerks, two of them, young men, who explained to me that one of the refrigerators was broken so if I wanted cold juice, I would have to buy apple, and not grape, as I had originally asked for. I thought about what could have happened if I had chosen to go a day later.

We briefly considered not going out that night, but decided to go dancing anyway. Spent the night dancing (or in my case, trying to dance) to salsa at a club called Casbah under the arch.

Today at lunch, Dona marta told us that there is a black trash bag tied to the door of hte store in the shape of a bow or butterfly. The clerk had not just been robbed--he had been shot dead.

It seems to wrong that at the exact moment I was sitting down at dinner, discussing where to go dancing that night, less than half a black away someones life was slipping away.

There are 200 violent attacks, mostly robberies and mostly in the capital, on the camionetas (chicken buses) every day. Every other day or two the newspapers fill up with the count of people who had been shot dead on the buses that day. Last friday, there were 12. Yet every afternoon, the buses roll by, packed to the gills with passengers and laden with luggage tied to the roof.

Don´t Move

2006-09-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

Once in awhile I come across a book that grips me and doesn´t let go until I have stayed up all night with it, fell asleep clutching it with the lights on, cried into my sheet, and spent the whole next day reading very, very slowly for fear it will end. Don´t Move, by Margaret Mazzantini, is one of those books. It is incredibly graphic, vulgar, gripping, heart-rending and gorgeously written.

English language books sell at a premium here in Antigua, so it behoves me to trade my used copy of this book in for a discount on teh next book I buy. But I can´t. This one I´m lugging all the way home.

antigua

2006-09-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

2006-09-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

nine days left until i leave for san jose to connect to miami to connect to LAX.

over the weekend, my host mom took me to a Quincinera in a neighboring pueblo. The whole town seemed to be there, dancing and celebrating the coming of age of a striking young woman.

My roommate and I met a very friendly family with tons of rambunctious kids at the party, who invited us over the next day for lunch. We arrived Sunday morning and spent a good part of the day teaching the kids oragami. Nancy, the mother, is the same age as I am. She has 4 kids, three her own and one ridiculously cute baby girl that she and her husband adopted a month ago. they are such a happy family, and the parents are so full of love for each other and their children. the kids and parents take turns hugging and adoring the baby. all of them live in a 1 bedroom concrete house about 200 square feet in size, but what they lack in material wealth they more than make up for in an abundance of laughter and smiles.

lax to gua for $188

2006-09-19T15:16:00.000-07:00

yes you read that correctly. LAX to Guatemala City, round trip, for $188. dates are december thru march. Check farecompare.com leaving from LAX and you will find it...at least until it runs out. this is so cheap it makes me want to....oh wait....yes.... i´m already IN guatemala.

Update: Deal is no longer available. Sigh.

comida guatemalteco

2006-09-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

i love guatemalan food. love. it.

i don´t know what all the dishes are called, but they are delicious! there is a lot of rice, so i don´t miss chinese food as much as i thought i would.

my host mom doesn´t need to spend that much money on the food she feeds us, but she takes pride in her cooking, and for good reason. other students are not fed meat every day, since their families scrimp on food in order to keep more of the money we pay them. but not marta. she feeds me heaps of meat, usually 3 times a day.

this morning i had pancakes with papaya, banana, watermelon, melon and pineapple for breakfast. for lunch i had pepion, a typical guatemalteco dish with chicken in a spicy chile puree over rice. i cannot wait to see what´s for dinner!

i am attending a salsa & merengue dance class this afternoon. tomorrow i am visiting a macadamia farm, wednesday i am taking a bike tour of the city, and later this week i am visiting a coffee plantation. the cost of all activities, 4 hours of private one on one spanish instruction per day, lodging in an adorable house, and 3 meals a day is $165. that´s less than i would spend per week if i were living in san diego and eating cheap food every day. i will really miss it here when i leave in 3 weeks.

A wise pronouncement

2006-09-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was sitting in a cigar and wine cafe in Antigua, waiting for J to buy a cigar for her boyfriend, when I picked up a random paper and saw the poem ¨For Instances¨ by Jorge Luis Borges.

There was a very, very old man sitting near the entrance of the cafe, by the street, having a glass of wine. I struck up a conversation with him. His name is Peter, and unapologetically, with a friendly smile and a sometimes distant gaze, he told me about his life.

I was born in Germany many years ago. I used to write Nazi propaganda for the government. I fought in the Nazi army in WWII, and in the American army in the Korean War. I was Paris´s first hippie, camping for a year in a park there with two girlfriends. Inexplicably, after Paris I went to the states and spent a year at Brigham Young University. I am not Mormon, but many people there tried to convert me (chuckles). After that I returned to Germany and completed law school. I ended up running for office in Germany, and spent the rest of my life until retirement as a politician. I have been many places in this world, and here, Antigua...this is my last place.

I passed Peter the Borges poem and asked him what he thought of it. I asked him, is this true?

Peter replied,
Well, I am old enough now to be able to make wise pronouncements about life. Yes, this poem is true. But I have something to add. You are young, and I want to give you advice, and it is this: Travel as much as you possibly can, all over the world, and make sure you do it while you are young. Because when you are old, traveling to certain places is no longer feasible.
And in 20 years, K, when you have traveled the world and return to California, you will meet some of your friends who had never left, and you will realize that they are lacking something.
It is so important to travel. Make it a goal of yours to live for a year or two in another country and to see as much as you can of different people and experience different cultures. Not so that you can see different things and discover different things--but so that in doing so you will find yourself.

Peter is obviously not a Nazi any longer. When he talked about his time as a Nazi, his eyes showed what i imagined to be a sort of surprised amusement at how far he had come. There was no remorse, as if he knew what he did was wrong but had come to terms with it long, long ago. He was telling me how much he loved Shanghai, and he was incredibly warm and kind to me.

Sometimes I doubt whether traveling so much is a good idea. Not often, just sometimes. But were it not for my decision to travel, I would never have been there, on a street cafe speaking with a man nearing the end of his life, who had come here to die, and who wanted to tell me how important it is to keep seeing the world. It´s the little magic moments like this one that keep me moving.

For Instances

2006-09-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

If I could I would live my life over.
This time I would try to make more mistakes.
I would try not to be so perfect, I would laugh more.
I would be so much sillier than I have been
that I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would risk more, take more trips, contemplate
more sunsets, climb more mountains, ford more streams.
I would go to more places I have never been.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would have more real problems
and fewer imaginary ones.

I was one of those people who lived every minute of life
sensibly and productively. Of course I had moments of delight.
But if I were able to go back it would be
for good moments only.
Because, if you don't know it, that's what life's made of: moments.
Do not waste even this one.

I was a guy who never went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot water bottle, an umbrella, and a poncho.
If I could live my life again I would travel more lightly.

If I could live again I would start going barefoot
when spring comes and not stop till fall's long gone.
I would walk down more side streets, contemplate more dawns,
and play with more children, if I had my life ahead of me again.
But, come now. I am 85 years old. I know I am dying.

bocas del toro

2006-09-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

I'm in paradise. I'm staying at 4 bedroom hotel built on stilts over the water. I can look through the floorboards and see the turquoise water below, clear through to the bottom where lots of starfish hang around. Colorful fish of all kinds swim by the hammock hanging off of our hotel room's deck. The water is warm.

Yesterday while snorkeling I was stung five times by jellyfish, once in the face. We exact vengeance by poking the jellyfish, which causes them to splay out and tumble away in a hilarious state if disarray, tentacles flying in every which direction.

san jose

2006-08-31T03:57:00.000-07:00

we decided to stay up all night in order to make it on to the 6:15 am bus to La Fortuna. Hot springs and an active volcano await, but for now I am trying not to fall asleep.

It is amazing how gross one can feel after a long bus ride. It's not like the bus was dirty or anything, but I still feel grimy at the end of it.

TicaBus, the bus company we have been using to travel around Central America, is an excellent company. The seats are comfortable, they show recent, if somewhat cheesy, movies, and they are very well-organized. It is shocking how much inter-country flights cost in Central America. A one-way ticket from San Jose to Guatemala City can cost $400 if you buy it at the wrong time. That's insane, considering the small distance covered by the flight. There are also no inter-country freeways, so buses take forever to get from one point to another.

tikal

2006-08-31T03:38:00.000-07:00

I wake up at 3:30am to hike through the pitch-black jungle. all i can see is the person directly in front of me. i stunble over rocks and roots and slide around in mud. all i hear around me is the sound of insects, some fluttering by, some buzzing, and occasionally a gross crunching noise, which i suppose is one of the three inch long grubs with black heads that are all over the jungle floor. i live in fear of running into a spider web, as the spiders here are two to two and a half inches in diameter and are all sorts of bright orange and red colors. they look positively menacing.

As we progress further into the jungle, terrifying growling screaming noises start coming from the treetops. Howler monkeys. These things sound like a monster out of a horror movie--the screams they make in no way resemble what i previously thought monkeys would sound like.

our hike takes us to the base of Temple IV at Tikal, where I climb 230 feet to the top and sit silently, waiting for the dawn. all around me circles the chirping of insects and howling of monkeys. I can see nothing.

as the sky begins to lighten, the noise in the jungle gets louder, and all kinds of birds start chirping at once. i can barely make out the shifting veil of fog that surrounded the trees below. Temple IV is so tall that its top, where I am sitting, is above the canopy level of the jungle.

i watch as the sky lightens even more and the trees all around me start becoming visible. the mist shifting through the trees is breathtaking. what other place could have served as the scene of the rebel base camp in star wars?

i am suddenly aware of how very, very far i am from home.

antigua dreamin

2006-08-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

arrived this morning and already in love with the place. cobblestone streets, little cupolas with fountains, candlelight, vines climbing up crumbling walls, brightly painted houses with the most amazing huge wooden doors. a massive volcano as the backdrop.

the hotel i am staying at, meson panza verde, seems like it came straight out of some wonderful honeymoon commercial. absolutely gorgeous. our room opens up into a courtyard with stones set into the moss and a beautiful fountain with vines climbing up it, that is lit with candles at night. we have our own private butterfly and flower filled garden. our room has its own cute little fireplace that looks like an oven. the hotel is full of little nooks and crannies, and semi'secret winding staircases which lead up to an art gallery upstairs where you can swing in a hammock, and then take a small staircase up to the roof where there is a rose garden and an awesome view of the volcano beyond and city below. one of the best restaurants in the city is at this hotel. we have reservations next to the reflecting pool in one hour. i can´t believe this place has no corkage fee. accordingly, we have stocked up on chilean wine.

gonna wander around central park and peek into an old church now.

ciao!

granada, granada

2006-08-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

arived 2 days ago via bus, and almost checked into a beautiful hotel called El Club. Luckily they were full that night, because although beautiful, we were soon to find out that for the next 2 days, El Club would transform at night into..well..a club, complete with 6 foot speakers and thumping house music. Eardrum splitting beats in a tranquil garden setting...not our idea of a romantic retreat. we ended up getting a room at this adorable little spanish style house with an open air garden.

We had no idea that, by some stroke of incredible luck, we had arrived on one of the biggest party days of the year in Granada-- the Hipica festival! The first night we were there, we found our way to central park, where there were vendors and a free rock concert from a local band from Managua. The entire town seemed to be out grooving to the rock concert (which was a Nicaraguan Rock the Vote for the upcoming Nov 5th Presidential election). Even old ladies and small children were out dancing!

The people here are so, so friendly. They sit around in rocking chairs outside their front doors, and smile and say ¨buenas!¨whenever we walk by. The same old shirtless man across the street tips his hat at me every time we pass by. Everyone stares at us, probably because we are the only asian people in town. Several kids have come up to us to pinch us and touch us, as if to see if we´re real.

Imagine my glee at actually finding a restaurant named Macondo, with a passage from One Hundred Years of Solitude printed on the front of the menu! After my own heart, these people.

Sunday, the day of the Hipica parade, was insane. more later as teh internet cafe is closing.

buenos!

2006-08-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

that's hi in costa rican.

T and i just wandered down a coblestoned street to a small, adorably decorated retaurant with local artwork on the walls and a cool carribean band with a guy playing a gut-bucket and another one singing bob marley covers.

I ordered the queso fundido, not knowing anything about it except that somewhere in my mind i remembered it was supposed to be good--and discovered that queso fundido is FONDUE!!! thank you god. there is nothing like fondue and a glass of good red wine on a summer evening with a light drizzle outside and live music inside. everyone in the restaurant seemed to be old friends except for us.

a puttpeteer/ventriloquist came out to tell a heart -warming story about how the soul of a poet resides in his heart, the sould of a writer resides in his imagination, but the soul of a dancer resides in her entire body, and lights up the starless night with its beauty.

i'm understanding more spanish than i thought i would!

the joy of doing nothing

2006-08-03T23:34:00.000-07:00

i woke up at 8:30 this morning, made scranbled eggs, bacon and waffles for my bf before he went to work. then sat around reading until noon, ate leftover thai green curry and thai chicken wings with a mango lassi for lunch, read for a few more hours, fell asleep hugging the cat until 6pm. cooked a dinner of mahi-mahi and giant sea scallops in a cuban mojito simmer sauce. washed it down with a stella artois. ice cream sandwich for dessert.

doing nothing is great!!

warhol at the sdma

2006-08-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

summer reading list, part 1

2006-08-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

today i'm meeting up with j to go to the warhol exhibit at the san diego museum of art. then we'll wander around hillcrest, have some yummy food and browse around some independent bookstores.

i went to borders and picked up the following books to consume during the next week or so:

The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger
I'm starting out with this one because after the bar, my brain recoils from anything requiring more than minimal processing ability. So far, it's entertaining, funny and sometimes even witty, and requires no mental capacity whatsoever--everything a summer beach read should be.

The Mortocycle Diaries by Che Guevara
I had no idea until yesterday that this book was actually written Che Guevara. I always thought it was some sort of historical fiction. He's an awesome writer, too. Can't wait to start on this one.

The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs
"One Man's Humble Quest to become the Smartest Person in the World."
Hilarious nonfiction. A.J. Jacobs, an NPR contributor, chronicles his quest to read the Encyclopedia Britannica from A to Z. I've always wanted to do that! But I guess I'll just settle with reading this book.
Sidenote: The back cover says something about how astounding reading the whole Encyclopedia Brittanica is, because it's 33,000 pages long. I stopped and thought that I've read more than 33,000 pages these past 3 years in law school, and how much more enlightened (and less in debt!) I'd be if I had just spent the 3 years reading the encyclopedia instead of law textbooks. Okay I'm depressed now.

Blindness by Jose Saramago
Winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature. Oh, the allegorical loveliness of it all!
Blurb from Amazon: In an unnamed city in an unnamed country, a man sitting in his car waiting for a traffic light to change is suddenly struck blind. But instead of being plunged into darkness, this man sees everything white, as if he "were caught in a mist or had fallen into a milky sea." A Good Samaritan offers to drive him home (and later steals his car); his wife takes him by taxi to a nearby eye clinic where they are ushered past other patients into the doctor's office. Within a day the man's wife, the taxi driver, the doctor and his patients, and the car thief have all succumbed to blindness. As the epidemic spreads, the government panics and begins quarantining victims in an abandoned mental asylum--guarded by soldiers with orders to shoot anyone who tries to escape.
In this community of blind people there is still one set of functioning eyes: the doctor's wife has affected blindness in order to accompany her husband to the asylum. As the number of victims grows and the asylum becomes overcrowded, systems begin to break down: toilets back up, food deliveries become sporadic; there is no medical treatment for the sick and no proper way to bury the dead. Inevitably, social conventions begin to crumble as well, with one group of blind inmates taking control of the dwindling food supply and using it to exploit the others. Through it all, the doctor's wife does her best to protect her little band of blind charges, eventually leading them out of the hospital and back into the horribly changed landscape of the city."

Fascinating, no? I heard of this from a Law and Literature class I took a few years back.

I'm done!

2006-07-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

The bar exam was three days of hell. HELL.

The minute it was over I went and got trashed and became a very angry drunk. Then I went to Mexico and got food poisoning, yay!

17 days until Costa Rica. Can't wait!

2006-07-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

my hero!!!!!

Where the hell is Matt?

I love it I love it I love it!!!!!

spam hash brown bake

2006-07-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I love SPAM. I haven't let myself eat SPAM in years.

My brain tells me SPAM is evil, but my taste buds tell me to bake it with fried potatoes and sour cream and onions and smother it in cheese and cream of chicken soup, and sprinkle potato chips on top.

I'll never make this recipe, ever, because I feel like my arteries are going to burst just reading the recipe. At 53 grams of fat and 705 calories per serving, this would kill me. Because I'd probably sit down and eat the entire thing. By myself. And then spend the rest of the afternoon being very disgusted with myself.

Ingredients (Makes 8 servings)
1 (32-ounce) package frozen hash brown potatoes, thawed slightly
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Cheddar cheese
1 (12-ounce) can SPAM® Classic, cubed
1 (10-3/4-ounce) can cream of chicken soup
1-1/2 cups sour cream
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 (4.25-ounce) can CHI-CHI'S® Diced Green Chilies, drained
2 cups crushed potato chips

Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, combine potatoes, melted butter, salt, pepper and garlic powder. In separate large bowl, combine cheese, SPAM®, soup, sour cream, milk, onion and green chilies. Add SPAM™ mixture to potato mixture; mix well. Pour into 2-quart baking dish. Sprinkle with potato chips. Bake 45 to 60 minutes or until thoroughly heated.

i said, we live in a bubble.

2006-07-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

whew! just finished writing a monster response to a 1-line comment that i decided belongs on the blog proper, as opposed to being allowed to linger in the comments section. Anonymous's* post was in response to my post titled "we live in a bubble."

*grammar nerd alert--I do believe it is "Anonymous's" as opposed to "Anonymous' ," as, with very few exceptions, proper nouns ending in "s" are expressed in the possessive by using an apostrophe and another "s," a notable exception being any reference to Jesus, where you would write "Jesus' " BUT only when referring to Jesus Christ. Your friend Jesus who is not the Son of God would still be be "Jesus's." Interesting eh? Grammar debate, anyone?....anyone?*

#

At 2:59 PM, Anonymous said…

You mean, “I live in a bubble”. Take some responsibility for your ignorance!

#

At 7:18 PM, K said…

Hm.

By "we live in a bubble," I meant that it's oftentimes hard for me to believe, even though I hear of it on the radio or read it in the news, that the atrocities that happen outside the US are real. Because though I see it on TV, it doesn't affect my life in any tangible way, except maybe paying a few more bucks at the gas station.

When I look out my window, I see palm trees and ocean. When people like BEYFlyer (mentioned in the post below) look out their window, they see the shit being bombed out of Beiruit airport.

It was not until I visited the minefields of Cambodia that I saw beggars with their limbs hanging off them in stumps, and Pol-Pot's regime became something a little more real than a lead pencil smudge on a history test. It wasn't until I spent thousands of hours volunteering for immigrant farmers in Mexico, generations of whom live their entire lives in cardboard shacks, that I realized the true cost of my salad veggies.

The "bubble" is the very sad fact that if I stopped reading certain news websites, and stopped listening to certain radio stations, and stopped travelling...I simply wouldn't find out about the atrocities that happen each and every single day to the majority of the population of this world.

Do you disagree?

As an American, I have the ability to choose between seeking information about the "outside," or simply ignoring it--and it makes me so concerned that some people choose to ignore.

I've had more than a few people ask me why I care about what happens outside this country...and why I bother to ever leave the US. I think it's a tragedy that it's not uncommon for people in this country to think this way.

One law student whom a lot of us at school know famously quoted: "why would I ever need to subscribe to and read TIME, or The Economist, or Newsweek? I'm not ugly! Only ugly people need to read those things." Sigh.

Maybe you do live in a war-torn area, in which case, you have every right to say I, as opposed to "we," live in a bubble. Because I, and a lot of other people in this country, do. But if you live in the US--wouldn't you agree that this place sometimes resembles Truman's world?

Hey, not that I'm complaining about living in a safe place. Just that--the more I read, the more I'm convinced America is this little island of ignorance in a sea of suffering people who for the most part hate our guts. Wouldn't a synonym for that be...bubble? Just travel anywhere else in the world--anywhere!--and ask the locals what they think about our government.

I should add that my comment about not reading the news or listening to NPR anymore was totally in jest. As all who know me can attest, I'm quite the international affairs junkie. Law school puts that on the back burner sometimes, but it's certainly one of my loves in life.

Ignorance is something that happens when you close yourself to the world, and to the opinions of others. I try my best not to do that.

Glad you stopped by to read, but surprised you'd come to such a hasty judgment.
-K

johns hopkins gives a bunch of shrooms to a group of smart people...enlightenment ensues

2006-07-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

Wall Street Journal article:
In a study that could revive interest in researching the effects of psychedelic drugs, scientists said a substance in certain mushrooms induced powerful, mind-altering experiences among a group of well-educated, middle-age men and women.

really??? who knew!

multicolored undulating hat tip to tony for the link.

we live in a bubble

2006-07-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

i should stop listening to NPR or reading the news. It's too depressing.

did i mention that the summer after my first year in law school, one of my assignments for my summer internship was to write an executive memo on the then-recent International Court of Justice's ruling on the Israeli-Palestinian separation barrier? I remember reading the news then, and thinking...things are so bad, they have to get better soon. No such luck.

Here are some interesting facts:

-Hizbollah and Israel have been playing the "kidnap each other's soldiers" game for years. This latest incident, however, was the first time Hizbollah had crossed into Israeli territory to kidnap the soldiers. Source: NPR this morning

-Since Palestinans elected Hamas to lead them several months ago, Israel has been bombing Palestinan-controlled areas regularly. See here, here and here.... et cetera.

-People are still being massacred in Iraq. Baghdad Burning writes all about it.

two sides of the coin

2006-07-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Captivating forum thread on the current hostilities between Israel and Lebanon. Truly a must-read.

The two main posters on this thread, BEYFlyer and Dovster, live in Beiruit and Northern Israel.

The fact that their discussion remains friendly is so inspiring.

If there is to be peace in the Middle East, we're going to need more people like these two.

Some recent posts:

BEYFlyer, from Beiruit, 2:34 am today:
The terror continues even here in the mountains. Last night was really rough on all of us. About 30 minutes after my last post, IAF raided a Lebabese army base not far from where we are. In total, there were about 8 raids spread over a period of 45 minutes. We headed down and into the lowest lying room in the house hoping for some protection. The kids were a mess and so were we to be honest. Throughout all of this alex0683de was sending me SMS messages trying to keep me "occupied". I appreciate you staying up with me and allowing me to breathe a breath of fresh air every now and then.

Again, I must ask the question, if Israel wants Lebanon to deploy its army in the South, why oh why oh why are they constantly bombing Lebanese army bases and killing hundreds of

Lebanese soldiers??? Does this make any sense to anyone? Please if there are any ex-military folks out there who can shed some light on the matter and explain the startegy behind such attacks, please feel free to add your comments.

One has no choice but to start wondering what is Israel's motive behind all of this. This has gone too far and is now clearly in the "absurd" category... There is no safe place left in Lebanon and it seems we are all now legitimate targets.

Dovster for both of our sakes, I hope this insanity ends soon. Take care and stay safe.

Dovster, from Israel:
BEYFlyer, I can only give you a partial answer -- and that is in regards to the IDF strikes on the Lebanese Army radar stations along the coast.

It was reported on Israeli television that the Lebanese Army radar had given Hizbollah tracking information which allowed it to shoot the missiles at the Israeli naval ships.

As for the rest of what you asked, I have two points/questions:

1. Are you certain about that number -- "hundreds of Lebanese soldiers"? I have not heard any estimates anywhere near that high.

2. Israelis, too, are asking why the Lebanese Army is being attacked. I have heard several television commentators wondering about that.

I remember that during the 1982 war (which others here might not know was fought in Lebanon but against the PLO, not the Lebanese Army) one Lebanese tank fired a single, symbolic, shot at the IDF and the Israelis were ordered not to return fire.

That was the only shooting between Israel and Lebanon in 1982. You are right -- Israel is demanding that the Lebanese Army take up positions in South Lebanon, guarding the border, and a war against that Army can only make this more difficult.

There may be military reasons (such as what I discussed about the radar stations) but if there are, they have not been made public here and it is causing quite a few Israelis to be unhappy with this development.

Meanwhile, on the Northern Front (for me) and the Southern Front (for you), all is not quiet.

As you undoubtedly have heard, Hizbollah has been firing 70 to 100 missiles daily at Israeli cities, towns, and villages. In return, there are literally thousands of artillery rounds being sent northward by Israel daily.

Sometimes I feel that I can hear every single one of these from my house. Logically, I know that is impossible but the shooting seems almost relentless.

at 2:39pm today:
The shooting started up again a few minutes ago, this time on a big enough scale that my house started shaking.

Seeing as we are on top of a mountain, I wonder if this means that I have moved to Ohio and am now in Shaker Heights.

Anyhow, whatever else it means, it definitely is telling me I should go to bed in my bomb shelter, so good night to all.

jus sanguinis

2006-07-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this case was decided by the Supreme Court. In 2001.
Nguyen v. INS

Petitioner is a convicted child sex offenderand aggravated felon. I know, he's slime. But how does this make ANY sense:

-Petitioner's father is a US citizen. Petitioner's mother is a Vietnamese citizen. Petitioner was born out of wedlock, out of the US. Father took Petitioner to the US when Petitioner was 5,and Petitioner became a legal permanent resident of the US when he was 6. So, he spent pretty much his entire life here. His father raised him in the US.
-The USSC ruled that Petitiner is deportable.

That's not what makes me mad. What gets me is the USSC confirms that if it were his MOTHER who was the US citizen, and it was the FATHER who was the Vietnamese citizen--THEN, he wouldn't be deportable! USSC says this doesn't violate Equal Protection.

So let me get this straight: American men can run around and knock up girls abroad, out of wedlock. As long as they don't bring the pregnant girlfriend home with them to the US, the resultant children have less rights than if a woman does the exact same thing.

Oversimplification? Of course. I don't have time for an in-depth analysis of their opinion--I'm studying for the bar. Rights of children born out of wedlock out of the country are not tested on the bar. But here's a lovely quote:
"One concern in this context has always been with young people, men for the most part, who are on duty with the Armed Forces in foreign countries. See Department of Defense, Selected Manpower Statistics 48, 74 (1999) (reporting that in 1969, the year in which Nguyen was born, there were 3,458,072 active duty military personnel, 39,506 of whom were female); Department of Defense, Selected Manpower Statistics 29 (1970) (noting that 1,041,094 military personnel were stationed in foreign countries in 1969); Department of Defense, Selected Manpower Statistics 49, 76 (1999) (reporting that in 1999 there were 1,385,703 active duty military personnel, 200,287 of whom were female); id., at 33 (noting that 252,763 military personnel were stationed in foreign countries in 1999)."

Um, all these statistics are supposed to make me think what? Oh yeah, that there are probably a very large number of children who were left behind in that war and who have no rights because it was the father, not the mother, who was a US citizen.

The dissent (O'Connor, Ginsburg, Souter, Breyer) brings up some very interesting points. Points I don't have time to think about anymore because I need to memorize bar exam law, and iron out this wrinkle I just put in my brain about Equal Protection.

listening to: sierra maestra

2006-07-11T19:36:00.000-07:00

I know the lyrics may be sappy, but this song is incredibly beautiful...amazing guitar and trumpet work. Too bad I'm studying for the bar instead of hanging around in some cuban cafe.

Son para ti, by Sierra Maestra

Pues que empiezo a comprender
que te lleva volvir
Desde que supe distinguir
entre amor y mujer
Desde que pude valorar
entre mis bolas de jugar y un beso
Y al cabo de tanto besar
Atrás me encuentro yo
Un parto el centro de mi juventud
con el final de tu ninez
Son dos etapas que a lasar
se unieron para derrotar al tiempo

Ensena me,
mujer del hechizero navegar

La senda que me lleva
hasta tu cuerpo (amor)

y haz me sentir
con el contacto suave de tu piel
que nuestro amor
supo vencer al tiempo

Y busca me
cuando la tarde pierda su esplendor

cuando tenga la noche entre mis brazos

y en el lugar
que allá en la oscuridad nos ocultó
suspirarás desde el primer abrazo

i used to like the idea of law...

2006-07-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

An essay I wrote on WH Auden's poem:

W. H. Auden
Law Like Love
Law, say the gardeners, is the sun,
Law is the one
All gardeners obey
To-morrow, yesterday, to-day.

Law is the wisdom of the old,
The impotent grandfathers feebly scold;
The grandchildren put out a treble tongue,
Law is the senses of the young.

Law, says the priest with a priestly look,
Expounding to an unpriestly people,
Law is the words in my priestly book,
Law is my pulpit and my steeple.

Law, says the judge as he looks down his nose,
Speaking clearly and most severely,
Law is as I've told you before,
Law is as you know I suppose,
Law is but let me explain it once more,
Law is The Law.

Yet law-abiding scholars write:
Law is neither wrong nor right,
Law is only crimes
Punished by places and by times,
Law is the clothes men wear
Anytime, anywhere,
Law is Good morning and Good night.

Others say, Law is our Fate;
Others say, Law is our State;
Others say, others say
Law is no more,
Law has gone away.

And always the loud angry crowd,
Very angry and very loud,
Law is We,
And always the soft idiot softly Me.

If we, dear, know we know no more
Than they about the Law,
If I no more than you
Know what we should and should not do
Except that all agree
Gladly or miserably
That the Law is
And that all know this
If therefore thinking it absurd
To identify Law with some other word,
Unlike so many men
I cannot say Law is again,

No more than they can we suppress
The universal wish to guess
Or slip out of our own position
Into an unconcerned condition.
Although I can at least confine
Your vanity and mine
To stating timidly
A timid similarity,
We shall boast anyvay:
Like love I say.

Like love we don't know where or why,
Like love we can't compel or fly,
Like love we often weep,
Like love we seldom keep.

Dichotomy and Poetic Mechanisms in Auden’s Law Like Love
By: K

W.H. Auden’s poem Law Like Love presents an age-old quandary: how does one define the indefinable? Is the definition of law reached through an evaluation of what law means in one’s life, or is it a definition existing in and of itself—a universal constant? Auden illustrates diverging ideas of, and approaches toward, the law by presenting a series of multi-layered conflicts. The juxtapositions in Law Like Love are at once extremely apparent, as in the substantive argument of the definition of law; and astonishingly subtle, as evidenced in the poem’s more nuanced philosophical, structural and metamorphic dichotomies. While the major thrust of argument is immediately apparent, the more subtle cues layer upon each other, coming together in a crescendo at the end of the poem, when the reader is revealed the outcome of the poem’s journey—a passage from the concept of law as metaphor to law as simile. In defining law as a relational concept, Auden provides a valuable insight into the process of semantics, and the evolution of concepts and ideas from dichotomies into cohesive principles.

Auden introduces a menagerie of characters, consisting of normal members of society that most people deal with at some point in their lives—the gardener, grandfather, grandchildren, judge, scholar, and unidentified “others.” It is interesting that each group’s concept of law centers on the important things in that person’s life. For the gardener, law is the sun—for the old it is their wisdom for the priest, his pulpit. What the reader ultimately comes away with after reading the first seven stanzas is that each group has its own conception of what the law is. These statements are made assertively—they leave little if no room for argument. The definitions each of the groups attribute to the law are categorical, and often, as is the case with the grandfathers and grandchildren, in conflict with one another. “Others” even claim, just as assertively as the rest, that “law is no more, law has gone away.” The personification of the law as something possessed and internalized on a personal level is further emphasized in the seventh stanza: the crowd always says “law is we,” while the idiot always says, “Me.” The characters in the first seven stanzas consistently take on views of the law that are inconsistent with others’ views.

On a philosophical level, the conflict in the first seven stanzas accentuate the poem’s theme of legal positivism versus natural law. Positivist philosophers like Jeremy Bentham and John Austin argued that the existence and content of law depends on social facts and not on its merits. Legal positivism is often contrasted with legal naturalism, which centers on the idea that the existence and content of law derives from moral concerns. While positivists focus on the relationship of ideas to one another, naturalists focus on the underlying purpose or meaning of ideas. Austen seems to assert through the structure of the poem that legal naturalism gives way to positivism. The Gardeners’, Grandfathers’, grandchildren’s, and priest’s arguments set forth the naturalistic view of law as innate, something that bears no relation to extrinsic facts. However, in the end Law Like Love is decidedly positivist—the poem is an exercise in of contrasts and conflicting viewpoints. Every character in the poem has their own view of what the law is. The undercurrent of legal positivism serves as a base for the substantive and structural conflicts of the poem.

The multiple dichotomies of the poem are reflected in the interchangeability of words and the antonymic nature of word-pairs. First, it is readily apparent that the words “law and “love” are interchangeable throughout the poem. This supports the conclusion that law and love are indeed similar, and analogous in their indefinable nature. The synonymous positioning of the words “law” and “love,” viewed alongside the glaringly antagonistic word choice, further accentuates the poem’s pervasive sense of conflict. Words are positioned against each other in pairs of antonyms throughout the poem: old and young, priestly and unpriestly, wrong and right, loud and soft, gladly and miserably. These words create a tension that pulls at the reader and causes a sense of uncertainty—which is the correct view? As it turns out, the characters in the first seven stanzas seem to have it all wrong about law.

The futility of the characters’ effort to understand is illuminated by the fiercely dissonant views each group takes, and the fact that they don’t seem to be listening to one another. The grandfathers “shrilly scold,” but the grandchildren don’t seem to listen. The judge offers a mundane explanation that the law is “the law,” a severe admonition likely to serve no use whatsoever. The scholars write that “law is neither wrong nor right,” yet they themselves obey the law.

The aspect that most elucidates Auden’s view of the law is the poem’s mechanics, which are incredibly nuanced. Auden constructs in Law Like Love a poem that denotes disequilibrium and resolution through its rhythm and structure alone, without ever needing to examine or interpret substance. The difference in the cadence of the first seven stanzas, and the last two, is glaringly obvious, but a closer analysis reveals an even greater contrast. Out of thirty-four lines in the first seven stanzas, only seven lines begin with unstressed syllables, and out of the twelve lines in the eighth stanza, all but one (or arguably two) lines begin with unstressed syllables. In the final stanza, each line begins with an unstressed syllable. Further, while the reader can comfortably pause at the end of each line in the first seven stanzas, the eighth stanza begins a pattern of enjambed lines--a clear shift in rhythm. Additionally, the eighth stanza is the point at which the narration shifts from third person to first person. The final stanza is the most tidy, consisting of twin couplets in perfect iambic meter, taking on a formality and cohesiveness absent from all prior stanzas. The shifts in rhyme, structure and meter alone, not even taking into account the meaning of the words, indicate a discord and final accord. Auden’s poem is a journey from rhythm that breaks into an unsteady cant, to an even more steady rhythm. The final stanza is constructed of iambs that have the cadence of a heartbeat, indicating steadiness, conclusion, equilibrium.

The structure of the poem serves beautifully to complement its substantive transition. Auden takes the reader from the concept of law as metaphor to simile. This change is explained in the eighth stanza: “No more than they can we suppress/ The universal wish to guess/ Or slip out of our own position/ Into an unconcerned condition.” The assertion is that the speaker can either guess or slip—If he does not guess, then he concedes that the law is and thus, arriving at a conclusion similar to the characters in the first seven stanzas, ceases to become concerned. The ultimate crux of conflict in the poem is the quandary of what to do when he perceives he must take a point, yield to the “universal wish to guess,” that is not suppressible, yet somehow in so doing avoid losing concern over the matter. The speaker’s solution is to change the concept of assertion from “Law is” to “Law like” – a movement from metaphor to simile. The law cannot be defined by a metaphor, as the law is all things to all people. The speaker seeks instead to define what the law is like. He recognizes that he needs to guess because he can’t suppress the urge to do so, yet he is wary of the danger that guessing could lead him to slip into unconcern over the matter. He realizes that the danger of becoming unconcerned doesn’t mean that he needs to try to label something that cannot be labeled. He does take a stand, and it is that law, like love, is indefinable as a metaphor—the law can never be consistent, it is always changing. It is a living thing, different with each judicial decision and each new statute. The concept of law in the poem is ever-changing, and evolves as the poem evolves.

By asserting that law is defined more as a similarity or likeness of something, rather than a personification or embodiment of its perceiver, Auden recognizes that the law is all things to all people—and that law can never be consistent. By taking a step backwards and looking at the law from a wider angle, Auden reveals the astonishing point that a change in perspective can shed light on a previously incomprehensible problem. Just as the speaker takes a step back to review the concept of law, a step back from the substantive barrage of conflicts in the poem reveals a structure that indicates a clear resolution. Auden’s portrait of law as a likeness, a simile, is both astute and appropriate, as like love, law can never fully be explained.

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

horoscope

2006-07-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

i spent the entire day studying in the "super-quiet zone" of ucsd's geisel library, and then doing practice essays in my living room. and then i checked my horoscope and it says this:

Watch your step today, for you can be so fascinated by someone nearby that your powers of discrimination are weakened. It may not be as wonderful as it all seems. Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder and you are susceptible now because you are in touch with the magic of your own inner world. You'll come out okay if you remember that you are being seduced by your own desire for pleasure, and not by whatever is on the outside.

apparently the other aries of the world are having a fun, passionate time with intriguing beautiful strangers.

horoscopes suck.

2006-06-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

Animaniacs - Yakko's World (with lyrics)

I have had this song stuck in my head for weeks.

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama.....

2006-06-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

Coconuts, Puerto Nuevo

Book Review:

2006-06-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

I've been reading The Omivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals, by Michael Pollan (nonfiction). Just a chapter or two each day before bed, to help assuage the monotony caused by increasingly large amounts of useless law swimming around in my head.

Sadly, I'm very dissapointed. Pollan's latest book is nothing like his brilliant first book, The Botany of Desire. The Omnivores Dilemma poses a very intriguing question: What should we eat? Pollan seeks to answer this question by following four meals from their origin (in farms, factories, et cetera) to the moment they are consumed by a human. It reads like a high-brow Fast Food Nation, less sensational, more philosophical, and at times very boring. Which is sad, because Pollan is such a talented writer.

I'm still trying to finish The Omnivore's Dilemma, but Pablo Neruda: Selected Poems seems more enticing lately. It's a good book to keep around and read during a study break.

just kill me now.

2006-06-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

i'm allergic to the lunesta.

why, god why????? why must you take away the one thing in my life that causes me to not stay awake for 32 hours at a time?

studying for the bar has turned me a little insane.

Happy 6-6-6!

2006-06-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

Here's the toll-free number for the corporation that owns the California Bar Association. Call it and listen to their prompt...it's so nice to hear they're finally choosing to be truthful. :)

1-800-230-4339

what 4th amendment rights?

2006-06-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

check this article out.
excerpt:
Police may enter Californians' homes without warrants to arrest those suspected of driving under the influence, the California Supreme Court ruled Thursday in a case testing the scope of the Fourth Amendment right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures.

full article here

2006-06-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

studying for the bar sucks. i miss my cat.

happy happy joy joy

2006-05-25T00:45:00.000-07:00

oh yes. just to update, my arm still hurts from the multiple stabbings of last week. it hurts deep inside my arm. i think i have nerve damage.

also, last week a huge pimple took over my chin. it it so big my boyfriend speaks to it. i named the pimple andre. as in andre the giant. andre was obviously male, you see, because what other sex could so ostentatiously invade?

additionally, the day before yesterday i discovered a small irregularly shaped about 1/2 centimeter in diameter pink thing on my leg. i refuse to believe it is just a bug bite. it looks like a miniature festering sore. perhaps i have flesh-eating disease.

or maybe it's just a reflection of my festering soul, which has been progressively eaten away by law school and bar prep.

if i scratch it, it weeps clear liquid, like how my heart weeps when i am sitting through my fourth hour of endless, endless lectures.

i've hit the trifecta! depression, insomnia and hypochondria! what a blessing.

and it's only day 2.

2006-05-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

wow, the insomnia hasn't ever been this bad before. i'm just going to try and stay up until 8pm tonight. that should make me tired enough to knock out.

courage

2006-05-04T01:11:00.000-07:00

Here is the transcript of Steven Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondent's dinner, delivered in front of, among others, President Bush.

insomnia

2006-05-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

it is 8:21 am and i have not slept.

it's the stress. gets me every single semester.

i'm afraid to ask the doctor for sleep drugs for fear i will develop a dependency on them...but right now i sure could use some ambien.

The Besieged

2006-04-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

Everything sings, everything gives fruit, everything is arranged to be.
But I defend myself. I am not yet finished with myself.
Between extending and straightening up,
Between the lips that say the Word and the Word,
Is a pause, a flashing that divides and tears:
I. I am not finished with myself yet.

-Octavio Paz

Mouse and Me

2006-04-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

i heart wikipedia

2006-04-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

from the wiki on "bushisms":

Make the Pie Higher poem

"Make the Pie Higher" is a poem comprising Bushisms. Each line contains a malapropism said to have been uttered by George W. Bush. Although its origin is uncertain, it has been attributed to Washington Post political cartoonist and satirist Richard Thompson. The poem has been criticized as apocryphal. However, all but a couple of lines have been verified by the Urban Legends Reference Pages at Snopes.com as having been spoken by Bush at one point or another during his Presidency. The only line for which a primary source has not been located was "I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity."

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

quotes of the day

2006-04-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams

At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religous or political ideas.
- Aldous Huxley

complete and utter

2006-04-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

DESPAIR.

My Corporate Finance final has been moved up and I can't go to Coachella and I sold my 2-day pass at a $40 loss because I deserve to pay $40 for deserting Depeche Mode and Madonna and She Wants Revenge and Seu Jorge whom I will likely never ever be able to see together in one festival again and I just want to crawl into a hole, a musicless, dark hole, and suffer there. But instead I will be in a flourescent-lit hole all weekend studying finance, which I am absolutely certain is what happens in the 18th level of hell.

the fucking greatest

2006-04-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

This man, David English, is my current favorite person in the world, by virtue of him having given me a 3-day pass to the HK Sevens Rugby Tournament, resulting in one of the most fun-filled weekends of my life.

What have the rest of you done for me lately?

and off again!

2006-04-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

it's been a crazy month.

just got back from vegas for the weekend.

my itinerary for upcoming weekends as follows:

this weekend: mexico (puerto nuevo/rosarito), then possibly LA
weekend after that: LA for a wedding
weekend after that: COACHELLA!!!!

Okay, after all that, i will seriously buckle down and study.

and back again

2006-04-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

majorly jetlagged. being in community property class doesn't help.

HK was amazing, as always. will post pictures as soon as i get off my lazy ass and upload them.

off to hong kong

2006-03-23T01:22:00.000-08:00

...again! will be back april 3rd. i'll try to upload pix and regale you with intense, nail-biting stories of the international commercial arbitration competition. wish me luck!

have you ever...

2006-03-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

woken up in the middle of the morning to go dry-heave into your toilet, and then realized in a moment of clarity that you somehow:
1) left the bar without your (brand new very expensive) digital camera,
2) went back into the bar to look for your camera and came out with no camera AND no jacket,
3) left the bar best friends with several rastafari, a pacific islander man with a long ponytail in a wheelchair, and a large and very friendly black woman whose lap you sat on for a good portion of the night?

oh. you haven't? then i guess you wouldn't understand my saturday night.

2006-03-10T15:12:00.000-08:00

dreamland where are you?

2006-03-10T05:14:00.000-08:00

i can't sleep. must have been the giant cup of coffee at 9pm. or the five cups of tea at 11pm.

since my brain shut down about three hours ago, rendering me unable to absorb any more law, i have:

* found the peruvian cultural institute's cuzco website for reservation availability on the inca trail. it's in spanish, but it's not too hard to find where the availability search engine is. looks like i may be able to book inca trail reservations less than 2 months in advance. sweet. macchu picchu...i long for thee.

* found a $97 one way flight to freeport, bahamas. the second time this week i've seen this deal. had to resist the yearning of every fiber in my being to click the "buy" button. for the one way ticket only.

* tried to hypnotize myself to sleep. twice. so please do not be surprised if i start clucking like a chicken when you say the word "point."

* cleaned out my belly button quite thoroughly. it's amazing how much lint fits in there! gross. but awe-inspiring.

* thought obsessively about my cat, Mouse. she recently learned how to play fetch, is now very insistent upon it. too cute.

i leave for hong kong in two weeks. can't wait!

don't hate him girl

2006-03-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

this site is hilarious...but there may be tort/privacy concerns? i love it anyway.

i want!

2006-03-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

how cool would it be to have your own wine?

been awhile

2006-02-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in awhile, as is custom when my life fills with things I would rather not write about.

Most of my waking hours are spent contemplating, writing about, discussing, or worrying over the law and its many permutations, implications and consequences. Classes are in full swing, as is the legal clinic, clerkship, and preparations for March's international commercial arbitration competition in Hong Kong. This leaves little time for me to do things like sleep, eat proper meals or find humor and joy in life.

On a more interesting note: this past weekend, I discovered that Mouse (my adorble kitten) loves to be carried around in the hobo bag I brought home from Thailand. Much amusement and cross-town kitten-toting is sure to ensue.

winter reading

2005-12-31T17:21:00.000-08:00

So far this winter break, I have read these books:

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
A classic, and deservedly so. A very fast read. I'm working in Cat's Cradle next.

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
Extremely quick read, interesting but not too substantive. I think I would have loved this book in the fourth or fifth grade. Having read Garcia-Marquez, Esquivel's book (and for that matter, any other book written in the style of magical realism) pales in comparison. But it did make me hungry.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides
Definitely recommended. Multilayered, meaty literature. One of those books that makes you sigh in contentment when you finish the last page, and feel as if you had lived the lives of those characters.

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
Absolutely amazing, especially if you know where he's coming from. I love, love, love this book. It's not often one comes across a style so fresh, so different, so gripping. It just pulls you in and doesn't let go.

Edit: Too good to be true, I guess. The signs were there, and I refused to see them. Sigh. I still like this book, but I do feel a little let down.

The Flame by Gabriele D'Annunzio
Suggested only if you plan on reading it while in Venice. Otherwise, D'Annunzio's writing seems to drown in its own emotion. Hailed as "one of the greatest descriptions of Venice in the history of literature." James Joyce called this book "the most important achievement in the novel since Flaubert." I found it a little too sentimental, too fin-de-siecle (but of course that's what it's supposed to be like)...but then again, if I were in Venice reading this book while floating down a canal at summer's end, I am sure D'Annunzio's words would ring exactly true.

quote of the day

2005-12-13T23:45:00.000-08:00

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
- Larry Hardiman

dreamland

2005-12-12T16:32:00.000-08:00

i am in my second week of barely leaving my apartment, studying from the minute i wake (around noon) until the minute i fall asleep (around 4am) sitting up in bed with a tattered issue of The Economist, my only repreive from this hell, slipping from my fingers.

i think the stress is manifesting itself in my dreams. here are a few choice tidbits from my dreamland as of late:

- i am part of a theatre group at school that i never signed up for but am obligated to take part in anyway. i have been assigned to the clean-up crew. i decide to leave, but for some reason i have to leave bouncing on one of those huge inflatable exercise balls with the plastic handle attached to it. but my ball was only half-inflated, and i looked like an idiot bouncing/dragging all the way across the grass field.

- i have a maniacal, abusive boyfriend with a thick southern accent, who is on his way to my apartment to beat me to death. i can feel him nearing and am petrified with fear, because i know he's going to kill me.

- i am at the hospital waiting room asking the clerk how much it is to get an abortion, having cheated on my boyfriend and gotten pregnant (the guy i cheated with is not in the dream at all--i don't even know who it is). the abortion costs $1700.00, which i do not have. my entire extended family is there. i get into an argument with my dad. my stepmother is being entirely smug. all of this is incredibly embarassing, and i am sobbing.

2005-11-27T11:20:00.000-08:00

Here's a great website for those of us who are online all the time and are sick of registering for everyhing:

bugmenot.com

Public usernames. Why didn't I ever think of that?

Turducken is here!

2005-11-24T14:16:00.000-08:00

The monstrosity is baking nicely in its own juices...will post pictures and review later!

Today I am eating:

Turducken with creole sausage and cornbread stuffing
Sweet corn cakes
Mashed potatoes
Roasted garlic lemon potatoes
Broccoli salad
Buttered corn
Stuffing

Pumpkin pie
Apple pie
Lemon poppyseed scones
Cranberry orange scones

...and MORE!

2005-11-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

wedding mehndi

2005-11-20T20:33:00.000-08:00

Two of my closest and most fabulous friends were married this weekend. Congratulations Aaruni and Pamela!

2005-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

princess

2005-11-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

spending most of my time reading lately--absorbing rather than purging information--so i have felt less inclined to write. short update:

-we named my kitten Mouse, and i am completely and utterly obsessed with her.
-my sister came to visit and we went to the zoo and saw koalas shit on each other.
-i took the professional responsiblity test, and left feeling unprofessional and irresponsible.
-i was too apathetic to vote yesterday.
-i bought three pairs of adorable shoes for $13.99 due to pricing error.
-they hurt my feet.

2005-10-24T00:38:00.000-07:00

it is at once heartwarming and horrifying to suddenly realize you are at the age where all your friends and your friends' friends are getting married.

i am so proud of myself.

2005-10-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

so. proud.

i just found and bought a round-trip ticket to Hong Kong from LAX, nonstop, on Cathay Pacific, for $503.00.

Five hundred and three dollars.

plus taxes and airport charges of course, but holy FUCK it's still cheap!

Victory dance!

*wiggle wiggle*

addictions

2005-10-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

it just sunk in today that i am hopelessly addicted to two things: coffee and sriracha hot sauce. not together, mind you, but they might as well be, since they're sloshiing around in a happy stew in my stomach right now.

i'm the poster child for future heartburn commercials. i can see it now:

"i spent my twenties recklessly drinking caustic liquids that ate away my stomach lining. but thanks to prilosec, i now lead a somewhat normal life."

yum.

small joys

2005-09-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

today i was driving home from class
when i decided to flip around and look for
a spanish language radio station to listen to
and i found a station where a woman was reading
what could, by its cadence,
only be a beautiful peice of literature
i listened and thought: this reminds me of
gabriel garcia marquez.
the rythm and the word choice were so familiar.

then, i listened more closely,
and realized--it WAS garbriel garcia marquez!
i had stumbled upon
a spanish radio reading of
"La prodigiosa tarde de Baltazar."

and all day i have been immensely proud of myself
for having been able to identify
Gabo in his native language.

and you thought this was going to be a poem, didn't you?

THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT

2005-09-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

by Terry Bisson

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."

the end

More stories from Terry Bisson here.

2005-09-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

i'm obsessed.

2005-09-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

i wake up to this sitting on my chest in the morning. how can something possibly be so cute???

new arrival

2005-09-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

i have a kitten! she is the most adorable thing in the world.

she doesn't have a name yet--any suggestions?

i wanted to name her mephistopheles, but she has such an angel face, i can't bring myself to call her the devil.

2005-08-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

i would rather be here.