Back in the day

I put my slow jams playlist on random, and right now Boyz 2 men “I’ll make love to you” is playing… reminds me of freshman year in high school. Remember Atlantic Starr, and Stevie B, and that one Hotstepper song? Surface, Jon B, Az Yet?

I can still remember the insecurity of the early mornings (how did I ever wake up at 6:30 in the morning??), slathering on way too much makeup, dark brown lipliner, huge baggy pants, the smell of the outdoor hallways and the cool morning mist. I remember thinking then of…not much more than myself, and how other people would think of me.

My first boyfriend, Alex, who got sent off to jail for armed robbery of a dwelling residence (a pretty big deal for a 14-year old), broke my heart for about two weeks, during which I wrote numerous tear-stained letters to my friends, lamenting my horrible fate at having lost the love of my life so early on. I would circle the places where the tears fell on the paper and draw little arrows to point them out. My good friend Carol told me she’d save the letters to show me later the depths from which I had risen. I wonder if they are still tucked somewhere in some dusty box in her garage.

I attended lots of church functions as an excuse to socialize (my parents never minded as long as it was a church function)…I remember going to Yorba Linda’s Oktoberfest, this time of year ten years ago, and meeting for the first time a bunch of YL kids, one of whom would end up being my high school sweetheart of four years (after jailboy broke up with me). But that night, I had a crush on someone else, and when we all went to Denny’s afterwards, I got his number and we ended up talking and flirting and he ended up becoming quite bitter later when I decided I didn’t like him after all, and beat up my boyfriend a year later.

The first few months of high school were the last months of my childhood, as my mother had a stroke in October of 1994, and I came to learn very quickly that things wouldn’t always be so easy.

I miss not having responsibilities, being completely self-absorbed (or am I still?), I miss the fleeting friendships, so naïve…but I see that the days that were to come brought me so much growth.

What a trip those days were.