a few doses of reality

as i was leaving work today, a man called out: hey, you're a law clerk, aren't you? Yes, I said.

He introduced himself, gave me his card, and told me he was compelled to impart to me some words of wisdom about the realities of the practice of law. When he was done, about 10 minutes later, I was pretty traumatized. Let's just say he didn't have a positive outlook on things. I hope I end up one of the lucky ones, who actually find a job and am able to make my staggering loan payments.

There is a couple in the apartment building next to mine, whose balcony I can see from my bedroom window. I rarely see them, but I can hear them. They get into the worst arguments--the ones where the woman is yelling so loud her voice becomes barely intelligible, like a scream and a sob combined. Like the anguished cry of an animal. Sometimes she screams "Stop," and I cringe, hoping it isn't because he's hitting her.

People can be so--inhuman when they get angry. The things I've said to people I love when I'm angry, especially my family, I am too ashamed to even write in my journal (the paper and ink one). It's sad that we only say these things to people that we know (or assume) will not leave. It's true that we are most hurtful to the ones who love us the most.

My boyfriend has taught me a lot. In the three years we've dated, he has never even once raised his voice at me. As a result, I have never gotten to that primal-scream, yelling-hurtful-things-I-don't-mean state with him.

sherry once told me that her sister told her love is like a dance that you have to learn, clumsily perhaps at first, that requires you to lead at times and yield at times, and that can't be performed without both people operating in sync. i think i'm beginning to learn what that means.