saturday, i went to a retro 90's club, where they played almost all 90's music, all night long (except for a most unwelcome intrusion by nelly and 50-cent). i don't know whether to be happy that a place exists where i can wiggle to all of my favorite music, blissfully free of flowing polyester shirts, cross-colours and pants "big enough to hide chickens in" (so my dad used to say), or sad that i'm now so old that the music of my youth is now considered retro. paperboy is not retro, it's good! they should have called it a good music club.

besides eminem, and outkast, i don't like any rap on the radio anymore. i find that it is devoid of the thoughtfulness that was evident in earlier rap. it has become egotistical without purpose...at least artists like tupac had a definite philosophy, and addressed social issues.

it seems i can't turn on the radio without hearing about someone's bling-bling and how nelly wants not one pair of shoes, but two. well, i don't give a fuck about nelly's shoes, and i think that one pair of the same damn shoes is enough for anybody. if you're going to condone excess, at least also encourage variety. would he be happier with twenty pairs of the same shoes than two? and what nexus could there possibly exist between a pair of shoes and air-force one? actually, run-dmc rapped about their adidas, and i have no problem with that, because the lyrics did not pick on people who did not have adidas--the adidas were an instrument that described rap culture, not a mechanism of separating the haves from the have-nots.

i'll stop ranting. i really don't like radio rap.

this just in:
Baby61212: i'm gettig really mad righ tnow because i'm writing about rap on my blog
Baby61212: rap sucks these days...
idlepimpin: WHAT ARE Y"OU TALKING ABOUT?
Baby61212: you LIKE contemporary rap?
idlepimpin: LIKE?!
idlepimpin: I GOT TWO WIRDS:
idlepimpin: FITTY CENT!!!
idlepimpin: YA HEARD?!
Baby61212: AAAAGH! i hate that guy!
Baby61212: i he slurs!
idlepimpin: HE:S SO WONDERFUL!
Baby61212: and he has no vocabulary.
idlepimpin: god's gift to women and audio enthusiasts!
Baby61212: omg
idlepimpin: what?! no vocab?!
Baby61212: or maybe he slurs so much i can't understand it
idlepimpin: "bub" "fuck" "sex" "drugs" "popov"
idlepimpin: "popov" <--- DUDE! he SPEAKS RUSSIAN!
Baby61212: and i don't like the word "wanksta"
Baby61212: what is a wanksta anyway?
idlepimpin: wanksta--- such an intuitive sense of lyricism and locution
idlepimpin: one can only be awed in wonder
Baby61212: i think he made it up becasue nothing else rhymes with gangsta
idlepimpin: hahaha
idlepimpin: dont be a hater
idlepimpin: you love him
idlepimpin: let's be fans together

sitting on the floor, drinking orange juice and watching the cars pass by on the street outside, framed by the leaves of my palm plant, Marley...

talking to my friends lately, noticed that everyone my age seems to be in the same predicament of uncertainty about their futures...i.e., we don't know where the hell we're going in life. everything is so foggy, and though i've laid before myself a path to follow, i have no way of knowing whether it will lead to fulfillment.

at the same time, for the past year or so, i've been finding myself stopping, while i'm sitting outside having a cig with my friends, driving along a long stretch of highway at night--or sitting here in my room, for example--to say to myself, "this is so beautiful," because i know that these are the years i will look back on when i'm older in nostalgia. i guess i'm realizing how good it is to be young, and how fast it's going to pass by.

i'm at a point in life where i'm past the innocence of childhood and the ignorance of adolescence, but still caught in the naivete of youth, yet endowed with enough knowledge to see that i am not yet in, but fast approaching, the steadiness of routine and obligations that may define the rest of my life. not that growing up is a bad thing--we all have to do it at one point or another--just that, well, maybe this uncertainty is good and beautiful in its own way. maybe i'm going to look back twenty years from now and wish that i still felt like i couldn't begin to guess what my life will be like in five years. every day presents itself a new path, and we all should feel lucky to be at a point where everything's so unpredictable.

i want to look back on my twenties and be able to say that i lived them balls out (yes, i know, i do not have balls), no holds barred, to the absolute fullest.

two things i've heard from older, wiser people:
1) if you believe you can or you can't, you're right
2) at the end of it all, you will only regret the things in life that you didn't do.