I'm still rather shocked about the tsunami disaster, having just returned from Phi Phi and Phuket not too long ago. Pictures of Phuket and Patong beach are encouraging, as the cleanup effort is well underway, but I have not found, and do not wish to see, what Phi Phi looks like now. It's hearbreaking to me because I still remember the faces of a few locals I met who lived and worked on the island...and I just hope they're still alive, but from what I've been reading, Phi Phi is pretty much levelled, having been hit on both sides by the tsunami.
So it feels so strange to be celebrating the beginning of a new year when halfway around the world, a place I just visited is filled with dead bodies and rubble.
Please be safe tonight.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Thursday, December 30, 2004
We accept the love we think we deserve.
My mother’s bracelet was made of tiny rich yellow gold dots connected on either side by delicate flat gold bands…imagine the bottom of a rope-bridge, except the planks are circles. I remember staring at it as a child, watching the light reflect off of it as I sat in the passenger seat of her 1985 Nissan. I’ve never seen another bracelet like it.
Until last Saturday, sitting in the back seat of my stepmother’s car. I watched her raise her right arm to do something, and gasped—she was wearing the bracelet.
The next day, I approached my father:
“Dad, did you give her mom’s gold bracelet?”
“What are you talking about?”
“She is wearing on her right wrist a bracelet that used to belong to mom.”
“What are you talking about? Why do you always have to watch her so carefully? It’s her own bracelet!”
I then told my father that it’s quite a coincidence that she happened to buy the exact same bracelet, and that there’s jewelry missing from my mother’s jewelry box.
Why he refuses to believe me, I have no idea. Shit, I have no idea why he even dated my stepmother, much less marry her and throw all of his money at her.
I mean, it’s pretty horrible to steal your dead friend’s husband, mistreat her children, and do it all while claiming to be a devout evangelical Christian.
But to steal your dead friend’s jewelry, and wear it? Especially when you probably have a suspicion that were she alive, she’s kick your ugly ass for doing all the things you’ve done to her daughters?
She must not have known how much my mother liked that bracelet. She couldn’t have known my mom wore it every day. She must have thought I wouldn’t remember what it looked like.
Sometimes I think I’m the only person who remembers my mother…my sister was so young, and my dad’s memories are tainted by his blindness to the things my stepmother does, in front of his face and behind his back.
But I remember a delicate gold bracelet, shining in the light while my mom moved her wrists to turn the steering wheel.
Until last Saturday, sitting in the back seat of my stepmother’s car. I watched her raise her right arm to do something, and gasped—she was wearing the bracelet.
The next day, I approached my father:
“Dad, did you give her mom’s gold bracelet?”
“What are you talking about?”
“She is wearing on her right wrist a bracelet that used to belong to mom.”
“What are you talking about? Why do you always have to watch her so carefully? It’s her own bracelet!”
I then told my father that it’s quite a coincidence that she happened to buy the exact same bracelet, and that there’s jewelry missing from my mother’s jewelry box.
Why he refuses to believe me, I have no idea. Shit, I have no idea why he even dated my stepmother, much less marry her and throw all of his money at her.
I mean, it’s pretty horrible to steal your dead friend’s husband, mistreat her children, and do it all while claiming to be a devout evangelical Christian.
But to steal your dead friend’s jewelry, and wear it? Especially when you probably have a suspicion that were she alive, she’s kick your ugly ass for doing all the things you’ve done to her daughters?
She must not have known how much my mother liked that bracelet. She couldn’t have known my mom wore it every day. She must have thought I wouldn’t remember what it looked like.
Sometimes I think I’m the only person who remembers my mother…my sister was so young, and my dad’s memories are tainted by his blindness to the things my stepmother does, in front of his face and behind his back.
But I remember a delicate gold bracelet, shining in the light while my mom moved her wrists to turn the steering wheel.
death toll hits 117,000
Please visit this site to donate to the Red Cross's International Response Fund for the Southeast Asian tsunami disaster.
Here's a list of lots of other charities that have been rated by the American Institute of Philanthropy.
Also, I'm looking into volunteering with the Red Cross in Thailand or Indonesia for a few days this coming summer, probably in late July or early August. Contact me if you'll be in asia around that time and are interested.
Here's a list of lots of other charities that have been rated by the American Institute of Philanthropy.
Also, I'm looking into volunteering with the Red Cross in Thailand or Indonesia for a few days this coming summer, probably in late July or early August. Contact me if you'll be in asia around that time and are interested.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
midway
finished my last final exam today.
very much looking forward to a return to normalcy. it's been a crazy week. now i'll finally have time to tackle the stack of literature i've been accumulating since the beginning of the semester. do i start with murakami or mitchell...or john irving? what a delicious problem.
i'm leaving for vegas this weekend with 8 of my girl cousins. everyone is 21 or over now, and it's our first trip where we can all (legally) drink together. can't wait to see which side of the family the immense tolerance for alcohol comes from.
very much looking forward to a return to normalcy. it's been a crazy week. now i'll finally have time to tackle the stack of literature i've been accumulating since the beginning of the semester. do i start with murakami or mitchell...or john irving? what a delicious problem.
i'm leaving for vegas this weekend with 8 of my girl cousins. everyone is 21 or over now, and it's our first trip where we can all (legally) drink together. can't wait to see which side of the family the immense tolerance for alcohol comes from.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
slightly drunk as i am trying to fall asleep before seven AM which is the time i've been regularly falling asleep lately due to horrid PFST (pre-finals stress syndrome). I have gained five pounds, my hair is a mess, roughly resembling the furry red martian character in looney tunes, i'm breaking out with the gross zits that come from deep underneath your skin, and am feeling an overarching, emcompassing sense of futility coupled with acute pangs of uselessness and guilt. am popping 3 melatonin pills to suplement my 2/3 bottle of shiraz i previously downed in order to relax enough to fall asleep. my sleeping, eating and living habits have not been so disturbed since last finals preiod and i noticed today that my patterns bear striking resemblance to the period during which i was regularly consuming ****, *******, ****, *******, *****, ********, and *******.
did i promise not to scare eveyone with nonsenical rantings? sorry.
did i promise not to scare eveyone with nonsenical rantings? sorry.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Monday, December 06, 2004
finals
finals are upon me again. so as to not bore/scare/tire everyone with my nonsensical caffeine-induced ranting, i am abstaining from writing until my mind is more clear, which will most likely not occur until after december 14th.
i have really been trying not to let this blog focus on law school, because i feel i am so many things outside the definition of "law student." i don't want my life to revolve around this--there are so many other, much more interesting things to explore.
i started blogging because i wanted to keep writing, and i wanted a place where i could chronicle my thoughts and the happenings in my life. and i hoped that what i had to say would actually be interesting. when i look through my archives, it's sad to see that when i'm in school, the law exerts a gravitational pull on everything i write about--i'm inescapably in orbit. the things i love so much--literature, philosphy, art, travel--are replaced by statutes, rules, and their interpretations. this commitment takes over not only my free time, but creeps into my mind--it changes the way i think, the way i write, the way i perceive situations. i don't necessarily appreciate the kind of person this education has turned me into.
see? even after starting a post about how i don't want to write about law school, i still end up writing about it. sad, sad.
i have really been trying not to let this blog focus on law school, because i feel i am so many things outside the definition of "law student." i don't want my life to revolve around this--there are so many other, much more interesting things to explore.
i started blogging because i wanted to keep writing, and i wanted a place where i could chronicle my thoughts and the happenings in my life. and i hoped that what i had to say would actually be interesting. when i look through my archives, it's sad to see that when i'm in school, the law exerts a gravitational pull on everything i write about--i'm inescapably in orbit. the things i love so much--literature, philosphy, art, travel--are replaced by statutes, rules, and their interpretations. this commitment takes over not only my free time, but creeps into my mind--it changes the way i think, the way i write, the way i perceive situations. i don't necessarily appreciate the kind of person this education has turned me into.
see? even after starting a post about how i don't want to write about law school, i still end up writing about it. sad, sad.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Friday, December 03, 2004
good idea, bad idea...
commerical for KY lubricant...OK
commercial promoting tolerance and encouraging people to attend church...Not OK.
I'm usually annoyed by religious commercials because they play on the viewers' sense of guilt. This one didn't bother me at all.
Even though I have no idea what I believe these days, I found this commercial heartwarming-not offensive.
It delivers a very important message--that you should never feel too inadequate to seek God. And given the barrage of horribly inane commercials we're faced with every day, it's a breath of fresh air to see one that isn't telling me to buy something.
I think it's ridiculous that the networks refused to air this commercial as too "controversial."
I see no controversy here--just the sad consequence of a paranoid sense of political correctness that ends up perpetuating the intolerance it seeks to assuage.
commercial promoting tolerance and encouraging people to attend church...Not OK.
I'm usually annoyed by religious commercials because they play on the viewers' sense of guilt. This one didn't bother me at all.
Even though I have no idea what I believe these days, I found this commercial heartwarming-not offensive.
It delivers a very important message--that you should never feel too inadequate to seek God. And given the barrage of horribly inane commercials we're faced with every day, it's a breath of fresh air to see one that isn't telling me to buy something.
I think it's ridiculous that the networks refused to air this commercial as too "controversial."
I see no controversy here--just the sad consequence of a paranoid sense of political correctness that ends up perpetuating the intolerance it seeks to assuage.
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