i am in my second week of barely leaving my apartment, studying from the minute i wake (around noon) until the minute i fall asleep (around 4am) sitting up in bed with a tattered issue of The Economist, my only repreive from this hell, slipping from my fingers.
i think the stress is manifesting itself in my dreams. here are a few choice tidbits from my dreamland as of late:
- i am part of a theatre group at school that i never signed up for but am obligated to take part in anyway. i have been assigned to the clean-up crew. i decide to leave, but for some reason i have to leave bouncing on one of those huge inflatable exercise balls with the plastic handle attached to it. but my ball was only half-inflated, and i looked like an idiot bouncing/dragging all the way across the grass field.
- i have a maniacal, abusive boyfriend with a thick southern accent, who is on his way to my apartment to beat me to death. i can feel him nearing and am petrified with fear, because i know he's going to kill me.
- i am at the hospital waiting room asking the clerk how much it is to get an abortion, having cheated on my boyfriend and gotten pregnant (the guy i cheated with is not in the dream at all--i don't even know who it is). the abortion costs $1700.00, which i do not have. my entire extended family is there. i get into an argument with my dad. my stepmother is being entirely smug. all of this is incredibly embarassing, and i am sobbing.
1 comment:
I know how you feel K. When I was in college, I would have nightmares too but less scary than yours. Mine would be like I was in the middle of an important exam and suddenly my pen won't write or I couldn't read the questions or I wanted to ask the professor something but I couldn't talk cause I lost my voice. 8 out 10 times this would happen to me one or two days prior to a big exam. I don't know what good this post is to you but at least you know you're not weird for having these dreams.
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