am i truly free of pain or do i simply choose to ignore? i feel in so many ways that i'm moving forward blindly--flinging myself against the winds of change...the faster i move the farther i am from where i used to be--but am i headed in the right direction?

the days fly by, the weekends are a drunken blur--and somewhere i know i need to come to terms with God--because i feel very, very guilty.

one part of me wants to move forward, metamorphosize, prove to myself that success is not an intangible illusion. the other part wants to linger and luxuriate (or perhaps wallow?) in the last years i will ever truly be free--

and i cannot for the life of me discern which voice speaks the truth.